Category — ramblings

Being a parent is a roller coaster ride - it has it’s high’s and low’s, it’s moments of thrilling joy - and terror.

But it’s a roller coaster that I am so thankful that I get to go on.

I have learned more about God through being a Mommy than I had ever thought possible.  And with two completely opposite girls, well, I am learning a bit about myself too.

We have one child who truly has a servant’s heart.  She will clear the table without being asked, she will share just about annything she has with others, and her goal in life seems to be to make others happy.  And we have one who has a master’s heart.  She wants to be served, to make all of her own decisions, and she only wants people on her terms.  Like a 9:30 at night when she is supposed to have been asleep for an hour - yep, that’s when she wants to have deep, meaningful conversations.

Don’t get me wrong, she has amazing qualities of her own.  She cares deeply, she is very artistic and creative, and she is the friend that will defend you to the end (or the mortal enemy that will fight until the end!)  The struggle of parenting her though is much more of a struggle.

So, knowing that I have a child with a low self-worth, who expects to have everything go her way and then decides that the world hates her when it doesn’t, and knowing that it’s apparently not something we did as parents that made her this way, what advice would you give?

Well, I finally figured something out this weekend.  I was talking with a friend a few weeks ago about this very topic, and was advised to figure out how to make her think that she is the one making the choices in her life.  The majority of our battles come from her being told to do something, and her not wanting to be told what to do.  However, when you are a child, well, let’s just say that a family isn’t a democracy, nor is it anarchy.  At least it shouldn’t be.  A family is a monarchy - ruled from the head down.

When you are living in a monarchy, it’s not very typical to see the peasant’s making the decisions instead of the king, correct?  But what about the daughter of the king?

Ah, there’s the rub.

The daughter of the king wants to have a little pull, to flex a little decision-making muscle.  After all, if her Daddy is the king, she should have some power, right?

It could just work.

I decided to try a new tactic this weekend - almost by accident.  When it comes to things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things I’ve decided that I’m not going to fight it.  I’m not going to force my will upon her.  I’m not going to suck the air out of the room and scream & yell (not that I do that!) and force her to bend to my will.  Nope… I’m just not going to care.

And somehow, it worked.

On the non-essentials I. Don’t. Care.

I don’t care if she refuses to dress up for church (I used to - biiiiig family battles as I was walking out the door to lead worship and leaving her Daddy to clean up the emotional mess and get her dressed - usually in what I had said no to).  I don’t care if she folds her socks & underwear nicely before taking them to her room.  I don’t care that she loads the dishwasher in a way that totally drives me bonkers (well, at least I try not to let her see it!) and it seems to be working!  She gets to choose how she does these things and they are getting done without a fight.

This morning she didn’t want to get out of bed on time.  She wanted to stay home and get a couple more hours of sleep and then “miraculously” feel better around 10 am.  The problem with that today - beyond missing the beginning of school and letting her practice laziness and hone her skills at manipulation - is that I don’t have a car.  I have no way of getting her to school if she doesn’t ride the bus.  Ah, so she’s sure she can get her way.  She’s figuring that she can get a couple more hours of sleep, get up around 10 or so, and watch movies, play Wii, etc.

That won’t be happening.

I told her once she had eaten breakfast and was pretty much ready for school we would talk about it.  As I walked out of her room to send her sister off to school I told her that she would be spending the day in her room - ALL day - but that it was her choice. After all, she could always spend it cleaning her room.

As I was watching her sister walk down the hill towards the bus stop this morning I heard a mad scramble to grab the already-prepared lunch box and shove it into her book bag as she slipped on some shoes.  She chose to go to school.

And because I didn’t care, she didn’t feel that she was being forced to do it.  She looked at the choices before her and decided that school was the better one.

There was no battle of wills, there was no fight.  And I now get to have a peaceful day of work instead of a day of constant struggle against her wanting to do what I said she couldn’t do.  And she gets to go to school and learn.

It’s like a win-win.

I know that some reading this might have a problem with allowing kids to make more choices and “get their way,” but I can assure you that on the issues that matter there is no choice.  On the issues that matter they are given the “choice” between doing what they need to do and punishment.  But on the little things that don’t matter we are letting them learn to make decisions for themselves so that as they grow up and have to make those bigger choices, well, hopefully they will have learned enough about making choices that whey will make the right ones.

I received this in an email from a friend this morning, and it is just too good not to share.  There are quite a few truths buried in here, if we just take the time to listen.

LIFE’S HANDBOOK 2010

Health:
1.       Drink plenty of water.
2.       Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3.       Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants & has to be killed, bled, cured, aged, smoked, fried, or frozen
4.       Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.
5.       Make time to pray.
6.       Play more games. Feed the birds. Plant flowers or vegetables- even in a pot.
7.       Read more books than you did in 2009.
8.       Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9.       Sleep for 7 hours.
10.       Take a 10-30 minutes’ walk daily. And while you walk, smile & notice your surroundings, changes in nature every day, & listen to the birds.

Personality:
11.    Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Each person has their place in the scheme of life.
12.    Don’t have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment - do what you can to make the world around you better.
13.    Don’t overdo. Keep your limits. Physically, spiritually, financially or emotionally.  Be humble.
14.    Don’t take yourself too seriously.  No one else does.
15.    Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16.    Dream more while you are awake.
17.    Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18.    Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past.  Don’t blame your parents for every problem you have. That will ruin your present. We choose actions & reactions when we become adults.

Happiness.

19.    Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.  It’s easier to understand and move on.
20.    Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present. Yesterday is gone and you have a limited number of tomorrows.
21.    No one is in charge of your happiness except you. It’s your choice to feel happy or miserable, anger or joy, frustration or acceptance, jealousy or peace, shame or pride.
22.    Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23.    Smile and laugh more.
24.    You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:
25.    Call your family often.
26.    Each day give something good to others.
27.    Forgive everyone for everything.
28.    Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6
29.    Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30.    What other people think of you is none of your business.
31.    Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick.  Your friends will.  Stay in touch.

Life:
32.    Do the right thing!
33.    Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34.    God heals everything.
35.    However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36.    No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37.    The best is yet to come.
38.    When you awake alive in the morning, thank God for it.
39.    Your inner most is always happy.  So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40.    Please forward this to everyone you care about - even if they receive it many times, it will be a reminder on how to have a happy, healthy spiritual life, to enjoy each moment we are granted, and how to live free of conflict in harmony with others.

We only share this earth for a short time - why waste it on hateful thoughts and deeds when there is so much joy and happiness to discover.

Today is December 29, 2009… that means that there are only two days left in the first decade of the 21st century.

The decade in which I was a mommy for all but 9.5 months.

The decade that saw me move from Arizona to Washington, (back) to Colorado and back to Washington.

The decade in which Eric & I finished school and turned the page into “real adult-hood” - and into parenthood.

A decade where I was unemployed… a lot

…and a decade where I became a small business owner.

It is a decade where I stepped into a leadership role that God called me to.

It was a decade in which I lost my earthly father, and held my daughter for the first time on the same day.

It was a decade of hope, despair, faith, trial, fear, peace, birth, loss and so very much more.

When I look back on the past 10 years I see so many things that have helped to mold and shape me in to the person that I am today - and the person that God is (slowly) making me into tomorrow.  And I wouldn’t trade very much of it.

New friendships were made, old friends were lost, and through it all God has been leading and guiding us.  Moving us from one place to the next - keeping us in this world but not allowing roots to sink in too deeply in any one place.

I don’t know about you, but I’m excited to see what the next 10 years will bring about!  Our girls will grow up and begin their life journey’s.  They will move toward what they want to do with their lives and hopefully will listen to that still, small voice inside of them for guidance.  They may even fall in love somewhere in there (although I hope that waits until the next 10 years!)  We may move again, we may not.  We may actually put down some temporary roots, who knows.  One thing is certain - life will be very different 10 years from now, just as life now is very different from 10 years ago - and I am curious to see what God will do.

Yesterday was a day that people all over the USA took the time to slow down, spend time with loved ones and have at least a passing thought or two on gratitude.  It was a day that has been set aside for years, a day when (most of) the stores are closed, and you are practically forced to chill.

We took part in the festivities - having a relaxing morning (we cooked on Wednesday), headed over to my aunt’s house where the whole family was gathered for the feast, and then went to see a movie with the girls and the grandparents, as is tradition.  We talked about what we are thankful for as we were driving - A is thankful for family, friends, and Jesus. Oh, and the cat.  M was thankful for us & A, her grandparents, her teachers and her friends.  Oh, and Jesus.  Yes, they were both in that order!

Me?  I’m thankful for so many things.

First & foremost I am thankful for being created by a God who loved me enough not only to create this world and all of us on it (knowing that so many wouldn’t love Him back) but also loved me and you enough to sacrifice His Son - to allow Him to be born as a human, to live out a life, to be ridiculed and beaten, and torturously killed - so that I could be saved.

Second - I’m thankful for Eric.  I’m thankful for everything that he does each day for our family.  I’m thankful that he has a job that pays our bills, and that he loves his children deeply.  At the moment I’m especially thankful that he is stringing the lights on my mom’s Christmas tree - especially knowing how much he hates to string lights.

I’m also thankful for the two beautiful girls that God has blessed us with.  Yes they frustrate me from time to time, but over all they are truly great kids.  They are well behaved, they love each other and they love Jesus.  They have gentle and sensitive hearts and I know that God has something in mind for each of them - and I can’t wait to see what it is!

Thirdly I am thankful that we live in a country where we are free to live our lives how we want to.  We can worship God freely and without fear of persecution.  That we can gather together with other believers - both in the real world and online - and not have to hide away in a basement somewhere out of fear of being thrown in jail.  I am, however, saddened that while we have these freedoms we as a nation tend to squander them.  And yes, I’m talking to myself as much as anyone else with that one.

These are some of the things I have been reflecting on over the last coupe of days.

And then comes today.

It seems ironic to me that the day following our corporate day of thinking about all that we have is the day of corporate “get out there and get stuff before everyone else.”

Seriously.

What happened to being thankful for the things that we already have - both the tangible and the intangible?

Personally, I avoid the whole black friday thing, and have for years.  I think that the mad rush to go buy more stuff - stuff that we don’t really need and stuff that those we are buying for don’t really want - is kind of insane.  We spend so much money that we don’t have anyway on things that we don’t need and we seem to have lost the point.

Christmas is about the gift God gave the world, but we have perverted it into a season of “me, me, me!”

Today I am taking the time to be thankful for the blessings God has already given me, and leaving the insanity to the rest of the world.

Wow, I hadn’t realized just how many weeks I have missed - so sorry!

Given the late MIA-ness, I thought I should do a short update post to help explain myself.  Well, here goes!

First off, I have some fabulous news - Falcon Ridge is moving!  Yay!  While I love being in the LIttle White Church, it really is a smaller space than we need (expecially for the kids!) and we have been blessed to find a bigger space to move into for roughly the same cost (Praise God!).  Starting on December 6 we will be meeting in the Old Arlington High School building (downtown on French street, where Highland Christian School currently meets).  We had our first rehearsal there last night and while there will definitely be some bugs to work out, I’m really excited to have the space!

With the upcoming move, well, life has been a bit more hectic.  Last week was crazy - I has at least 2 appointments/meetings every day, sometimes 3-4 in 1 day.  Yeah, I know, that is nothing for some of you but when you are not used to it, well, it seems like a lot!  On top of that Eric was in Europe last week as well.  That meant finding places for the girls to go while I was at some of the evening meetings.  Such fun…

That brings me to another reason… Eric has been travelling a bit more, and we haven’t known his schedule until sometimes the day before he leaves.  Seriously.  It’s been insane!  The trip to Europe was scheduled, cancelled, and re-scheduled about 5 times each, with the final “you’re going” coming down 2-3 days before he left.  He left last Monday and came home last Saturday if that gives you an indication of how quick the trip was.  He thinks he got about 6 hours of sleep the whole week between jet lag, working on stuff for here and thinking about things he was working on.  Oy!

Then there is the typical “tis the season” stuff - you know, cold & flu season!  The girls have had a few days home from school - thankfully not as many as last year though!  In fact, 1 is home with me today too.  She woke up with a sore throat and an occasional cough.  Not terribly sick, but enough that with the current “flu craze” she would have just been sent home.  I suspect she may simply be recovering from being up past bedtime too many nights in a row.  At least I hope so!

Finally it seems that I have once again become a girl who can’t say no… to ministry opportunities.  We started a Women’s home group in October, and have been meeting during the day for a few weeks now.  It’s really nice to be involved in a Women’s group again!  As much as I love attending a home group with Eric, there is something different about meeting with just women.  It was one of those occasions when God puts something on your heart - and then you argue with him for a month or so that you just don’t have time.  You’d think I’d learn that life is just easier when you don’t try to argue with God, after all, He will win!

So, I have become the home group leader for that group (and incedentally the fill-in leader for our couples group too, since I have the book anyway…)

Yep, life has gotten a bit more hectic!

So that’s been my life in a nutshell for the past month or so!  Yep, there are days that I just feel tired… but I will try to do a better job of posting more regularly.

This day has foerever been changed for American’s… at least we can hope that it will be forever remembered.

Where were you 8 years ago?

Most of the world knew what was going on before I did.  You see, I was a stay-at-home mom of an almost 1 year old and we didn’t have cable.  Live streaming on the web wasn’t quite there yet, and all I had was a cell phone.

That phone rang.

On the other end of the line was my mom in Colorado, calling to let me know that an airplane had just struck a tower of the world trade center.  All of the sudden she stopped talking - then in a ruch she said “Oh my Goodness!  Another plane JUST HIT THE SECOND TOWER!!!!  I can’t believe this is happening?  What is going on?”

Many people lost their lives that day.  Many more people lost loved ones.  Many were afraid that they had lost someone, and the stories that came out over the next weeks and months of people who were running late to work or had to stay home with sick children came out.  Women whose husbands had given their lives to save others became heroes overnight.  Books were written, and America was united… for a while.

But now we look back through a filter of 8 years.

Can it truly have happened?  Was it real?

I had a cousin working at a hospital in NYC.  A cousin who had arrived home from a night shift and was in the shower when it happened.  A cousin who turned around and went back to work that morning to help however she could.  She sent out an email to her family letting us know that she was OK, and that she was heading back.

I have a friend who has made a ministry around caring for those firefighters who were impacted.  She takes teams of people to NYC a few times a year to minister to the firehouses.  They take coffee and cocoa and Jesus to these men and women.  They pray for them DAILY.  They listen to the stories.  The bring back the stories to Washongton State and share them with others who can pray more specifically.

We should all be praying for those who lost someone.  It’s the least we can do.

I went to NYC a couple of years ago.  Manhatten.  As we were walking, there was suddenly an empty space ahead in the sky - no buildings were there.  Yes, it sounds odd, but I was wondering why there was so much sky there.

Then I turned the corner.

and I remembered.

Twisted metal in a deep hole, a deep pile of rubble.  A huge expanse of sky above it with no tall buildings to block it.  A fire station directly across the street with a memorial set up to those that responded first… and lost their lives in the attempt to save others.

There is a memorial set up across the street with “found objects” a womans black pump, a spoon from the restaurant at the top, notes and photos of those who were and are missing.  Video from 9/11/01.  Teddy bears.

That is the hardest for me as a mom.  Knowing that children lost their lives, that children lost their parents.  Their grandparents, aunts and uncles.  Babies were orphaned overnight.  I look at my almost-9-eao-old daughter and know that it could just as easily have happened to her.  She could have lost Mommy or Daddy to an act of terror.  We could have lost her.

And it still could happen to any of us.

BUT

That is a powerful word, but I know another one that when added to it is so much more…

But GOD

That is the most powerful word in any language… GOD

GOD is the reason that we don’t need to live in fear.

GOD is the reason that we can have hope - hope for today and tomorrow.  Hope for our children and their children.

GOD is the one that brings peace to our hearts and minds and lives.

Yes, we should remember what happened 8 years ago.  Yes, we should keep those who were directly affected in our prayers.  Yes, we should be united as a country.  Yes, we need to teach our children about the ugly reality that this world is…

But GOD needs to be shared and taught even more so.  We need to live our lives in such a way that Jesus shines through us, that Jesus can use us to make an impact on the world around us.  That Jesus can impact the lives of our children and their children.  That Jesus can bring unity and love and kindness and justice and mercy and forgiveness and acceptance and peace and hope.

For without Him, there is no hope.

Lest I forget, lest we all forget.  Lives were sacrificed 8 years ago.  Lives were stolen away.  But there is a life that was freely given that can save us all, and those of us who know Him need to share Him with those who are hurting and fearful.  Those who are in need and those who have too much.  Those that need a Comforter and a Friend.

Remember those who were affected, and choose to be an effect on our world.

Wow… the end of August is Monday already!  Labor Day is a mere 9 days away and the girls start school again just a couple of days later.  Where has the Summer gone to?

Well, let’s see… we spent a few mornings at a movie theater watching free movies in air conditioned comfort (great on those days that were over 100F!) and we have spent substantially more time at a few of the local libraries doing crafts, learning about art and building, reading and checking out books to take home.  The girls each did the local library system’s Summer Reading program(who gives you a Aquasox tickets and a free book), as well as the one through Barnes & Noble (another free book) and the one through Borders (where you get 1/2 off a book).

We also have spent a bit of time in the yard - picking berries, tearing down the playset, putting in a little kidney-shaped island at the end of the yard, picking berries, pulling weeks, digging up the yard to put in a retaining wall, piccing more berries, begging others to come pick said berries, making jam jam & more jam, and playing in the sprinklers.  Oh, and picking more berries.  Yeah, really.  That many berries.  We will be gifting some raspberry bushes and a red currant bush to a friend because we just can’t keep up with the production!  Eric is planning to start working on the retaining wall this weekend, so hopefully we can start to re-build the yard soon.

We also spent a week in Missouri at Eric’s Dad’s house - a very relaxing week just hanging out with family.  The girls lived in the pool with their cousins and I got to discover a possible addiction to Guitar Hero… good thing I don’t allow video game consoles in the house!  (yeah, now Eric fully understands why I don’t allow them in!  I’d never get anything done!)

It’s been a pretty good Summer overall.  The girls have had a chance to play and just enjoy being kids.  There have been scads of Lego creations built, torn apart and refashioned into something new.  There has been time spent with friends, and a lot of softball games watched (yep, our church won the tournament - yay!).  There has been time spent in God’s word and time spent learning all about the adventures of Baby Mouse and other literary characters.  M has begun requesting thicker chapter books (think Anne of Green Gables and A Wrinkle In Time) and A is right on her heels in reading those.  The favorite genre of the Summer has been Graphic Novels though - with Nancy Drew being at the top of that list.  No, it isn’t the ones I grew up reading, but they are still pretty good.  I have been averaging 4 books a week myself… yes, those library cards have been seeing a lot of use.  I have re-discovered (again) the joy found in a good book.  It’s been really, really nice.

The wacky heat has been a bit irksome, but I did grow up where it usually hits 100F in the first week of June, so I can deal - I just don’t like to.  I am seriously missing my rain by this point, but I’m sure that we will get our fair share of it this Winter.  Fortunately today seems to be a bit cooler. I am hopeful that Autumn will be mild but a little more moist than we have had.  The plants are so thirsty!  Some of the leaves are changing from lack of water rahter than cooler temps, and other plants are just dead and brown.  We do need some rain, but I know it will come eventually.  Don’t worry - I’m not praying for it just yet!

What do the last 12 days of Summer Vacation have in store?  Well, Mom & Ryan are arriving tomorrow evening for a visit.  They will be taking the girls & I to high tea and for a ferry ride or two, and we get to play tour guide to some of my favorite parts of Washington.  We will be heading down to Seattle with a group of friends (16 in all) to see Wicked for my birthday and possibly dinner afterwards, and Grandma wants to take the girls back-to-school shopping… it looks to be an action packed couple of weeks!

Yep, we will be sending Summer off with a bang.

But then, isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?

Alright Tam, here it is.  This is being posted here all because of you! 

I met Eric at church.  I was good friends with his little sister (by 9 years) and he had just moved to our little small town from LA (culture shock!).  We were sitting on opposite sides of the church, but in the same row.  He was wearing a denim button-front shirt and a tie.  He was tall, blonde, tan and (let’s just get it out there) hot.  Yup.  I could no more have told you what the sermon that day was about than anything else…

I artfully arranged a meeting (offered to drive his sis to a youth event even though I was not in the youth group anymore) and poor Tami had to put up with both of us asking her about the other one for the next week.  Sorry sis!

Then there was the college & career picnic at highline lake, where I *supposedly* tackled him during a game of… well it was kinda volleyball without a net crossed with soccer.  This is something that I don’t remember, but he does (and quite vividly).  That was July 10, 2004.  The CC pastor informed me later that evening that there was a guy there that had asked him about me, and was interested in getting together, but he wouldn’t say who… I had such hopes!  It wasn’t Eric - he wouldn’t go through someone else I now realize.

There was another C&C outing at another lake - this time an overnighter.  We sat in the car and talked for hours and hours.  His other sis informed me that I was too young for him & to back off (don’t worry, I stil love ya D!) but I managed to ignore that… I know, big shock.  He was thinking I was interested in someone else (gag) and took a slight it of prodding, but eventually figured it out.

I came home & informed my mom that I had found the guy I was going to marry - he was smart, handsome gorgeous, well-read, liked music, and actually enjoyed literature (!).  On top of all of that, he was a Christian.  Did it matter that he was just a tad bit older than me?  We don’t have to tell Dad, do we?  How old he is, that is… (I was almost 18, he was 24, but Dad thought he was about 21 - still a bit on the old side!)

Our “official” first date was Aug 5, 1994.  We went up on the Monument and talked.  Watched the sun set & the lights begin to twinkle in the (small) city below.  From that day to the day we were married we saw each other every single day except 10.  We got married on Dec 1, 1995.

He had just moved to town and didn’t have a job, so my dad hired him for odd jobs so he’s have cash in his pocket to take me out.  (Dad built houses, so there were ALWAYS odd jobs).  Gotta love a Daddy that thinks of those kind of things!  I was in college, and I would often come out to my car to find roses under the windshield wiper or inside the car.  Such a romantic!

We started talking about “life plans” around February ‘95, and the subject of family, kids, goals, etc came up.  We kinda meshed there too.  When we started looking in jewelry stores I kinda had a feeling.  I didn’t want to go ring shopping, I mean, every girl wants to be surprised, right?  He informed me that my wedding/engagement ring was too important to leave it to the chance that I wouldn’t like it.  Me made me go along and took Tami for reinforcement - and to help him remember which one I liked the best.

On Mar 6 we took my parents out to dinner for my dad’s birthday, where Eric asked his permission to ask for my hand in marriage.  What a birthday present (ha!)  Daddy’s little girl had found her knight in shining armor, and would be heading off to start her new life.

On March 8 he “officially” proposed.  We went out to dinner and for a walk in the park (a regular occurrence).  He found a small grove of trees, got down on one knee, held up the ring box and asked me to be his wife.  The answer had been yes for about 8 months, so it was a given there!

And that, my friends, is all that you get tonight!  It’s 11:15, and I’m tired.

More to come…